Thursday, January 7, 2010

Adventures in Parenting

I stood at the sink on a Sunday morning with my daughter. We were both heading off to church in a minute but there was a momentary pause there as we exchanged commentaries. "Mom" she asked me "is it OK if I go spend the day with my friend Ash after I get out of church?" I contemplated her question while watching her out of the corner of my eye. "Well... I guess it would be OK". The pause was due to the fact that she seemed less and less at home these days. It seemed that at sixteen years of age she had more and more time for all things other than home and family.
Going to Ash's house was not something I usually denied because I knew Ash and knew she was a responsible person (At nineteen has a family of her own already and going to school and working full time as well.) So I said yes.
I went to church and she went to her own church in her own car (long story about the separate churches). I came home, did a little housework, and then took a nap. When I woke up I realized it was getting late and tried to call my girl but there was no answer. I tried a few more times and then started getting ready for the evening service at church. By the time I was ready I was really worried. It was getting dark and she still had not answered the phone. I put on my coat and went out into the chilly dusk to go to Ash's house.
I had a funny feeling as I drove up to the house and didn't see my daughter's car.
I got out slowly and walked up to the porch. By now it was full dark and the porch lights were coming on. I tentatively knocked on the screen. The front door was open and a man and a woman were sitting at a table there in front of the doorway. "Ash?" I asked "Have you seen Kay?" She looked kind of shocked to see me. "No" she said "She told me she wasn't coming over today. She told me she was going to drive to Sherman instead." (About thirty miles away and a big BIG no no for this new driver.)
I stood there in the growing dark for a minute with my world crashing around me. Panic rose up inside me and choked out my breath. I somehow managed to make it back to my car. My hands were shaking and I started crying. All I could see in my mind was her car rolling over and over in the dark on that lonely highway. Forget the fact that she lied to me. Forget the fact that she was NEVER allowed to drive on a 70 mph highway (esp. THAT one) at night. Forget the fact that right this second I didn't even know where she was. I just wanted her safe and sound back under my roof. Then the anger could rise.
I forgot about church. I called my husband and immediately he was in a panic as well. He called the phone company and ordered GPS for her phone so we could find out where she was. By this time nobody has seen her since she left for church almost eight hours ago.
I started calling her friends, specifically her boyfriend. I couldn't reach him either. I knew which street he lives on but not the house number so I called one of her other friends who knew what house he lived in because I was going to head over there and find out what he knew. I asked her if she would drive over and read off the house number to me. I had both lines going at the same time. My best friend was looking up his address on the computer and texting me at the same time I was talking to K's friend.
K's friend reached his house and right as she was reading off the number who should show up there but K and her boyfriend! She said "Mrs. Julie, K says she will be right home". She didn't tell her how much trouble she was in.
So I stood by the front door and waited. I was deadly calm. She pulled up and her father and I met her at the door. As she came past me I reached for her keys. "Hi, Mom," she said. "She must have known something was up by the look on my face. "What's going on, what's the matter? she asked. "Where have you been?" I asked, still in that deadly calm voice. "I've been at Ash's, I told you I was going there. We watched movies. We watched The Chronicles of Reddick, and (some other movie). I've been there all day." My mouth dropped open. I couldn't believe she could stand there and lie to me so easily. That was what shocked me. How easily it came to her. She didn't even show a HINT of guilt. If I hadn't known better I would have believed her!
I put up my hand. "Stop." I said. "I think you had better know before you go on that I have BEEN to Ash's house." "You have?" Now it was her turn to be shocked. "Really?" "Yes, I said. You are BUSTED." "Yes, I am" she said in a very quiet voice. "And furthermore", her father added, ( I have to say, he was quite restrained. I knew how angry he was and he did an admirable job of controlling it.) I have GPS as of five minutes ago and I'm going to be able to tell where you've been for the last seventy days. So if you've something else to tell us you had better do it now." "Well...." she said. ( I couldn't BELIEVE there was going to be more!) Actually we didn't just go to Sherman, we also went to Plano and Mckinney." My eyes just flew open at that! WHAT???
She was crying by this time but I'm pretty sure she was just upset because she got caught and also I'm sure she was angry because she thought we were being over protective. She went to her room and we went to ours and settled down for a night of all worry about where we were going (or had gone) wrong and no sleep for anyone.
Oh,yeah, and she is grounded 'til she's DEAD.
Tuesday rolled around and I got on my computer and opened up the virtual paper. I read through all the front page stuff and came to the obits. I scrolled down and came to a young girls obit. As I read I almost started crying. She was sixteen. She died in an automobile accident on the SAME DAY and on the SAME HIGHWAY that my daughter had been on. As I read down I saw that there was a second obit of a teen, the girl's boyfriend had also been fatally injured in the accident. This just hit way too close to home. It took my breath away. They were the EXACT same ages as my daughter and her boyfriend.
When she got home I called her in my room and had her read the obits and the newspaper article and all the comments that followed the article.
Too overprotective? I don't think so.
Some day I hope she will see it that way too.

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