RIDICULOUS

Last night I was watching TV. A commercial came on, and I let my mind wander. In my mind I was planning how I was going to drywall my daughter's bedroom. I had just finished taping and bedding, and was about to choose a color selection for the carpet, when a commercial caught my ear, and dragged me back to reality. Actually, the commercial slid right by without my notice, and was almost completely over before I realized what I had just heard. I sat up in bed, completely at full attention. I asked my husband, who was busy doing something else, "did you hear what I just heard? Wait, let me just back this up. I put the TV in reverse, so I could verify what I had just heard. It was a helpful tip on saving energy. Now I have no problems with saving energy, conserving water, recycling, "going green". But there are times when things begin to border on the ridiculous. This was one of those times. Here's how the commercial went. Not word for word, because I can't remember it line by line, but you will get the drift.

COMMERCIAL:"Here's a tip to help you conserve energy in your own home. Take an old newspaper, crumple up the pages, and use them to fill the empty spaces in your refrigerator."
(I guess so there won't be so much space to cool)

ME: "WHAT!?? Did I just hear that? Did they seriously suggest that I spend some of my hard earned spare time wadding up newspaper balls to fill up the empty space in my fridge? Shouldn't I fill up the space in my fridge with FOOD? How again does this help the environment?" I don't know much about how an icebox works, but one thing I do know is that the "environment" in the fridge is wet. Should I waste my own energy cleaning up the mess when it gets all wet and yuckky, or gets something spilled on it? OR spend my time transferring newspaper balls from one place to another as the fridge cycles between full and empty? (Oh, yeah, I can see it now. I come in the house with 150 dollars worth of food to last a few weeks. I'm already having trouble finding space to put all the food on the counter, and it's spilling out onto the floor in my tiny galley style kitchen. My husband and I are doing the grocery dance, as he is bringing more in, I'm trying to put away what's already there, there are doors slamming, kids appearing from nowhere to find out what's going on, the dog is barking, the cat is trying to get out the door, but PLEASE let me add to the chaos by having to stop, open the fridge, grab armfuls of wadded up newspaper, find somewhere to put it amidst all the cans, bottles, and boxes, and bags, somewhere where the dog can't get it, and then, and ONLY THEN, can I proceed to finally put away the groceries.) Talk about wasted energy. It makes me tired just thinking about it.

This is from Webster's online dictionary.

RI-DIC-U-LOUS: Arousing or deserving ridicule: ABSURD, PREPOSTEROUS
synonyms: see LAUGHABLE

That about says it all.

bag lady blues

Blame it on Ed Begley jr. Blame it on HGTV. Blame it on the rain. Well, okay, blame it on me.
One day, not too long ago, I realized I had a problem on my hands. A habit, you might say, was quickly getting out of control. I was a bag collector. You know, those plastic bags that you get from wal mart, or just about anywhere you go now days.
It started out small, just a bag here, and a bag there. I would stash one under the sink after a grocery run and forget about it. Soon, though, I was stashing the bags by the dozens. I couldn't stop myself. I knew I had a problem, the day the cabinet doors under the sink wouldn't stay shut anymore. It started to bother me, this overabundance of bags. Now, I know they have bag recycling centers, all over the place, but I could never seem to remember the bags until I would leave the house. I began to hate the bags and the havoc they were wreaking on my life. I couldn't find the dishwashing detergent, or the furniture polish, because the bags got in the way. Once I tried to beat the problem on my own  by bagging up all of the bags, and taking them out to the garage. I swore I would remember to take them to the recycling center, but I never did; and it wasn't long before they began peeking out from under the kitchen sink, once again.
Then, one night last summer, while watching Living with Ed, a celeb reality show, starring Ed Begley Jr, featuring his views on environmental issues, I decided to do something about it. The next time I went to the store, I waited until nobody was looking, and I bought a cloth bag. The next time I went back, I bought two more. Pretty soon, I had a dozen bags stashed in the mudroom, ready to grab as I walked out the back door.
Then it happened. I went into the store, and forgot my bags. What to do, what to do. I leaned over close to the cashier, and said in a whisper, "I don't need a bag". He looked at me like I was from outer space, and then said very loudly to the bag boy, "SHE DOESN'T WANT ANY BAGS. NO BAGS." He emphasized his words with a wild chopping motion in the air. NO BAGS.
The next time I forgot my bags, I told the bag boy to load everything he could get into one bag. " I hate those bags," I said. "The less I have the better." Again, the strange look. Then he proceeded to triple bag me, "so the bag won't break," he said. I just sighed as I walked out behind the man who pushed the cart. I might have rolled my eyes and muttered to myself audibly as we made our way to the car.
Sometimes, now, I will go into a store without my bags. If that happens, and I don't have too many things, I will do just  what Ed does. I just carry things out A la carte, and try not to drop everything while I'm juggling my plastic soda bottle and plastic milk jug with the car keys that go to my non hybrid gas guzzler.
Well, I guess it's pretty clear, Ed still has a lot of work to do. Maybe next week I will learn how to toast my bread while riding a bicycle...Well...probably not.