Beginnings, Endings, and New Beginnings...

I'm just a little melancholy this week in thinking about the upcoming school year. I can't believe the summer is already gone but what I really can't believe is that my little girl is going to be a senior. We spent last night perusing colleges and scholarship websites and I could not help wonder where the time has gone. I'm very excited for her and seeing her make the choices that will become the foundation of her life but also a little sad for myself. My baby will be leaving me. I feel like I'm standing in the wake of the speedboat of her childhood wondering how it went by so fast. So many things come to mind when I think about her...

When they brought her to me the first time (It was my birthday, and I couldn't believe I could have such a wonderful gift) she was a few hours old and they pushed her in in the little bassinet and said "Hey Mommy, here is your daughter." I thought to myself "daughter! Wow, nobody has ever called me Mommy before!" It was an amazing feeling.

We were so inept though at the logistics of parenthood. We learned really fast the first rule of babyhood, NEVER think you won't need the diaper bag even if you are only going out for a minute. We took her to her first two week appt. and left it in the car...silly us...the doc wanted to examine her and took off the diaper and threw it away and we didn't have a spare. While we were debating about whether we should go out to the car and get the diaper bag or borrow a diaper from the docs office, she peed all over the table. That ended THAT discussion. I think the Dr. felt kind of sorry for us as he leaned into the other room and requested a diaper for us. A couple of minutes later she started crying because she was hungry and we didn't have the bottle, and then her bellybutton started bleeding and when the Dr. looked in her mouth discovered she had thrush...I'm sure he was shaking his head when we left the office wondering what this poor kid was in for with parents like us.
We learned pretty fast though. I loved being a mom and loved to give her a bath and dress her up in pretty little dresses then put her in the stroller and show her off to the other moms in the neighborhood. I remember even thinking one time "wow, this motherhood thing is pretty easy! Nothing to it!"
I laugh at myself now, of course...

Then there were the times she made me laugh...I was downstairs in the kitchen once and I heard something upstairs. She was about two I think and was supposed to be in bed. I went upstairs to investigate and found her in the bathroom filling the toilet with billows and billows of toilet paper! And then one time while drinking a glass of milk (sometime later)I thought it tasted funny and went to look at the milk and found a baby wipe in the carton! (a fresh one) No wonder the milk tasted like soap! Now who could have done that?!!
...And then once while driving down the highway in San Diego and listening to Tommy's favorite cassette tape with Lionel Ritchie singing "Brick House", We heard this little four year old voice in the back seat belting out "she's a BRICK--HOOOOWSSE!!" in a very gutteral Lionel Ritchie type voice...We almost had a wreck we couldn't stop laughing, and then there was the time (also driving) she gave us the entire commercial for "Safety can" from the back seat. (still chuckling over that).



And the times she scared me...When Tommy was on his first deployment, the day he left actually, I was resting in the afternoon in the EZ chair after a bad day (the washing machine chose that day to die, of course) and she wanders in with a Combat in her mouth, and while I was on the phone with poison control she comes back in the room with a broken glass Christmas ball in her mouth! And then while I was at work once I had the urge to call home and make sure everything was ok only to find out she had had a bad fall and hit her head. I didn't know how bad it was until later when I got home but when I saw the huge goose egg on her head I got really scared. And then once I caught her drinking Matt's Erythromiacin...don't know how she got the childproof cap off...

And then the times she made me proud...She excelled in school from the very first. The only one to write a complete sentence in Kindergarten during a test, she wrote "I love my Mommy". That still brings a lump. She was in the second grade spelling bee and I didn't go because I thought two year old Ally would be too hard to keep quiet...She won that spelling bee...and I am still kicking myself all these years later for not being there, restless baby or not.

The years just seemed to fly by...eighth grade, ninth grade, band, flag team, then flag captain, learning to drive, and dual highschool/college classes, and now a job...I swear I just blinked and here stands before me this almost grown woman with thoughts, and views, and personality all her own. And soon a life of her own too. I just hope the one thing she takes with her is the knowledge of how much she was loved, despite mistakes we may have made along the way. I hope now that as she begins the foundation for her own life we can add another dimension to our relationship, that of friend as well as daughter.

Adventures in Parenting

I stood at the sink on a Sunday morning with my daughter. We were both heading off to church in a minute but there was a momentary pause there as we exchanged commentaries. "Mom" she asked me "is it OK if I go spend the day with my friend Ash after I get out of church?" I contemplated her question while watching her out of the corner of my eye. "Well... I guess it would be OK". The pause was due to the fact that she seemed less and less at home these days. It seemed that at sixteen years of age she had more and more time for all things other than home and family.
Going to Ash's house was not something I usually denied because I knew Ash and knew she was a responsible person (At nineteen has a family of her own already and going to school and working full time as well.) So I said yes.
I went to church and she went to her own church in her own car (long story about the separate churches). I came home, did a little housework, and then took a nap. When I woke up I realized it was getting late and tried to call my girl but there was no answer. I tried a few more times and then started getting ready for the evening service at church. By the time I was ready I was really worried. It was getting dark and she still had not answered the phone. I put on my coat and went out into the chilly dusk to go to Ash's house.
I had a funny feeling as I drove up to the house and didn't see my daughter's car.
I got out slowly and walked up to the porch. By now it was full dark and the porch lights were coming on. I tentatively knocked on the screen. The front door was open and a man and a woman were sitting at a table there in front of the doorway. "Ash?" I asked "Have you seen Kay?" She looked kind of shocked to see me. "No" she said "She told me she wasn't coming over today. She told me she was going to drive to Sherman instead." (About thirty miles away and a big BIG no no for this new driver.)
I stood there in the growing dark for a minute with my world crashing around me. Panic rose up inside me and choked out my breath. I somehow managed to make it back to my car. My hands were shaking and I started crying. All I could see in my mind was her car rolling over and over in the dark on that lonely highway. Forget the fact that she lied to me. Forget the fact that she was NEVER allowed to drive on a 70 mph highway (esp. THAT one) at night. Forget the fact that right this second I didn't even know where she was. I just wanted her safe and sound back under my roof. Then the anger could rise.
I forgot about church. I called my husband and immediately he was in a panic as well. He called the phone company and ordered GPS for her phone so we could find out where she was. By this time nobody has seen her since she left for church almost eight hours ago.
I started calling her friends, specifically her boyfriend. I couldn't reach him either. I knew which street he lives on but not the house number so I called one of her other friends who knew what house he lived in because I was going to head over there and find out what he knew. I asked her if she would drive over and read off the house number to me. I had both lines going at the same time. My best friend was looking up his address on the computer and texting me at the same time I was talking to K's friend.
K's friend reached his house and right as she was reading off the number who should show up there but K and her boyfriend! She said "Mrs. Julie, K says she will be right home". She didn't tell her how much trouble she was in.
So I stood by the front door and waited. I was deadly calm. She pulled up and her father and I met her at the door. As she came past me I reached for her keys. "Hi, Mom," she said. "She must have known something was up by the look on my face. "What's going on, what's the matter? she asked. "Where have you been?" I asked, still in that deadly calm voice. "I've been at Ash's, I told you I was going there. We watched movies. We watched The Chronicles of Reddick, and (some other movie). I've been there all day." My mouth dropped open. I couldn't believe she could stand there and lie to me so easily. That was what shocked me. How easily it came to her. She didn't even show a HINT of guilt. If I hadn't known better I would have believed her!
I put up my hand. "Stop." I said. "I think you had better know before you go on that I have BEEN to Ash's house." "You have?" Now it was her turn to be shocked. "Really?" "Yes, I said. You are BUSTED." "Yes, I am" she said in a very quiet voice. "And furthermore", her father added, ( I have to say, he was quite restrained. I knew how angry he was and he did an admirable job of controlling it.) I have GPS as of five minutes ago and I'm going to be able to tell where you've been for the last seventy days. So if you've something else to tell us you had better do it now." "Well...." she said. ( I couldn't BELIEVE there was going to be more!) Actually we didn't just go to Sherman, we also went to Plano and Mckinney." My eyes just flew open at that! WHAT???
She was crying by this time but I'm pretty sure she was just upset because she got caught and also I'm sure she was angry because she thought we were being over protective. She went to her room and we went to ours and settled down for a night of all worry about where we were going (or had gone) wrong and no sleep for anyone.
Oh,yeah, and she is grounded 'til she's DEAD.
Tuesday rolled around and I got on my computer and opened up the virtual paper. I read through all the front page stuff and came to the obits. I scrolled down and came to a young girls obit. As I read I almost started crying. She was sixteen. She died in an automobile accident on the SAME DAY and on the SAME HIGHWAY that my daughter had been on. As I read down I saw that there was a second obit of a teen, the girl's boyfriend had also been fatally injured in the accident. This just hit way too close to home. It took my breath away. They were the EXACT same ages as my daughter and her boyfriend.
When she got home I called her in my room and had her read the obits and the newspaper article and all the comments that followed the article.
Too overprotective? I don't think so.
Some day I hope she will see it that way too.