I had never been so comfortable in my life. I was half asleep in my brand new king sized bed with the pillow top mattress (and a second pillow top on that) surrounded by fluffy white pillows and thinking about my new year's resolutions. My internal musing was cut short by the dog on his short little legs stretching up from the floor to tell me it was time to wake up and go outside.
I reluctantly rolled off my new three hundred count white cotton sheets and reached for the leash. He was full of energy and ready to go. We went downstairs and as I took him into the yard to let him run around inside the fence I noticed a big fat squirrel up in my gable thirty or forty feet above me. How did he get in there? He was wedged in between the gable slats, with his head outside, his body inside, and his tail sticking out on the bottom. Knowing there was nothing I could do to dislodge him since he was way out of my reach (not that I would go near him anyway) I halfheartedly picked up a couple of rocks and threw them in his direction hoping they would scare him off. He didn't budge. I yelled at him for a minute then shook my fist and gave up.
I came inside to start the coffee. I reached for the basket that still held yesterday's grinds and walked over to the trash to empty it. Problem. The garbage from New Year's Day was overflowing. I carefully placed the grounds on top of the pile and walked back over to the coffee pot and began to fill it with water, with the intention of grabbing a new trash bag on the way. As the pot was filling with water I grabbed the full trash bag to lift carefully out of the can so as not to spill the grounds I had placed so precariously on top and began to lift. As I lifted the bag out I noticed that someone had placed a broken glass bottle of some kind of coconut liquid (Arizona Tea?) in the bottom of the trash can. Since the bottle was full when dumped this left a milky mess on the bottom of the trashcan. As I concentrated on not getting the broken glass everywhere I failed to notice the coffee grinds sliding off the top and onto the floor with a big SPLAT. Yuck. The water was still running in the coffee pot, which was sitting in the sink. Clearly this situation was getting out of hand. I grabbed the broken bottle from the bottom of the can and brought it to the sink to dump the rest. Unfortunately some of the broken glass came apart and fell down into the garbage disposal. Double yuck. FINALLY I got the garbage disposal cleaned out, got the coffee grounds off the floor, got the new trash bag in the now cleaned out can (ALMOST spilling the bag of cat food that was in the way of the garbage bags) and washed my hands, ready to get on with making the coffee. I opened the cabinet door and was presented with a plethora of flavors. Hmmm which should it be. Holiday blend? Gingerbread? In keeping with today's plan of getting things back to normal (i.e. putting away all the Christmas stuff) I decided to go with just plain Maxwell house. I reached farther back in for the filters. NO WAY! Out of filters? You have got to be kidding me. After all that? Grrr...
Showing posts with label coffee. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coffee. Show all posts
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Monday, January 28, 2008
Joolieisms
Joolieisms: N. Words within a sentence, that are transposed by the tongue, causing the meaning of the sentence to change entirely, or sometimes just resulting in gibberish and hysterical laughter. example: candy bar=bandy car.
Causes:
1)the tongue moving faster than the brain.
2)fatigue
3)too much coffee.
(Not to be confused with Joolielogic, a term coined by my husband to explain the strange and quirky way that my mind works out answers to problems that sound logical to me, and perfectly sensible, but to him, seem unreasonable because...well, he's not me!)
Joolieisms are contagious.
Joolieism germs are spread by laughter.
There is no cure. Once you've got it, you're stuck with it.
Guaranteed to embarrass you in public.
It is not recommended that you consume alcoholic beverages if you have this disease. The hysteria that may result could be harmful or fatal.
This disease is genetic. It can be passed on to your children.
True case stories:
A man walks into a grocery store, makes his way calmly to the deli counter, and with a perfectly straight face, asks "Do you have any STRIPPIN CHIX?" With an equally straight face, the man behind the counter replies, "No, but I wish we did!"
A woman walks out to her car, after a long night out, and says "I can't wait to hop into my LITTLE MEAN GRINNY VAN and go home to bed", meaning of course, little green mini van. This was an advanced case, involving not just one of the aforementioned causes, but all three at the same time.
A woman with three sick children at home, ponders aloud, what to feed them. I think I will make them all some chicken "Noop", she says. Her friend of *muffled number* years says "Did you mean chicken NOODLE SOUP?!!
Both fall to the floor with paralytic spasms of laughter. They are both currently
awaiting recovery.
This disease can manifest itself in a variety of ways, including, the written word, and thoughts that escape the mouth before before the brain can shut it up. Case in point:
A woman goes to the post office to deliver a package to her husband who has been deployed on a ship in the Navy for 6 months. While writing the address on the package, her mind wanders. She accidentally transposes the name of the ship, from the USS Nimitz, to the USS NIMTIZ! She doesn't notice it, but her mother does, and is kind enough to point it out. In this case, it is the mother who is struck with paralytic laughter. The daughter is horrified, because it is too late to fix it, as the address is all taped over, and the post office clerk is waiting. She sends the package anyway. By the way, the mother is still laughing, even though it has been 12 years.
A man walks into a store to buy batteries. He walks up to the counter, to speak to the clerk. He notices that she is well endowed. Before he can stop his mouth, he asks her for "double D" batteries. She says ok, and turns to get them, and then realizes what he said. He is emabarrassed. So is she. She says, HEY!!
Currently studies are underway to find a cure for this disease. Anyone willing to participate in these studies may look in the phone book under the heading "JOOLIEISM", and call the number. Someone will be there to cake your tall.
Causes:
1)the tongue moving faster than the brain.
2)fatigue
3)too much coffee.
(Not to be confused with Joolielogic, a term coined by my husband to explain the strange and quirky way that my mind works out answers to problems that sound logical to me, and perfectly sensible, but to him, seem unreasonable because...well, he's not me!)
Joolieisms are contagious.
Joolieism germs are spread by laughter.
There is no cure. Once you've got it, you're stuck with it.
Guaranteed to embarrass you in public.
It is not recommended that you consume alcoholic beverages if you have this disease. The hysteria that may result could be harmful or fatal.
This disease is genetic. It can be passed on to your children.
True case stories:
A man walks into a grocery store, makes his way calmly to the deli counter, and with a perfectly straight face, asks "Do you have any STRIPPIN CHIX?" With an equally straight face, the man behind the counter replies, "No, but I wish we did!"
A woman walks out to her car, after a long night out, and says "I can't wait to hop into my LITTLE MEAN GRINNY VAN and go home to bed", meaning of course, little green mini van. This was an advanced case, involving not just one of the aforementioned causes, but all three at the same time.
A woman with three sick children at home, ponders aloud, what to feed them. I think I will make them all some chicken "Noop", she says. Her friend of *muffled number* years says "Did you mean chicken NOODLE SOUP?!!
Both fall to the floor with paralytic spasms of laughter. They are both currently
awaiting recovery.
This disease can manifest itself in a variety of ways, including, the written word, and thoughts that escape the mouth before before the brain can shut it up. Case in point:
A woman goes to the post office to deliver a package to her husband who has been deployed on a ship in the Navy for 6 months. While writing the address on the package, her mind wanders. She accidentally transposes the name of the ship, from the USS Nimitz, to the USS NIMTIZ! She doesn't notice it, but her mother does, and is kind enough to point it out. In this case, it is the mother who is struck with paralytic laughter. The daughter is horrified, because it is too late to fix it, as the address is all taped over, and the post office clerk is waiting. She sends the package anyway. By the way, the mother is still laughing, even though it has been 12 years.
A man walks into a store to buy batteries. He walks up to the counter, to speak to the clerk. He notices that she is well endowed. Before he can stop his mouth, he asks her for "double D" batteries. She says ok, and turns to get them, and then realizes what he said. He is emabarrassed. So is she. She says, HEY!!
Currently studies are underway to find a cure for this disease. Anyone willing to participate in these studies may look in the phone book under the heading "JOOLIEISM", and call the number. Someone will be there to cake your tall.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)