Joolieisms

Joolieisms: N. Words within a sentence, that are transposed by the tongue, causing the meaning of the sentence to change entirely, or sometimes just resulting in gibberish and hysterical laughter. example: candy bar=bandy car.
Causes:
1)the tongue moving faster than the brain.
2)fatigue
3)too much coffee.
(Not to be confused with Joolielogic, a term coined by my husband to explain the strange and quirky way that my mind works out answers to problems that sound logical to me, and perfectly sensible, but to him, seem unreasonable because...well, he's not me!)

Joolieisms are contagious.
Joolieism germs are spread by laughter.
There is no cure. Once you've got it, you're stuck with it.
Guaranteed to embarrass you in public.
It is not recommended that you consume alcoholic beverages if you have this disease. The hysteria that may result could be harmful or fatal.
This disease is genetic. It can be passed on to your children.

True case stories:
A man walks into a grocery store, makes his way calmly to the deli counter, and with a perfectly straight face, asks "Do you have any STRIPPIN CHIX?" With an equally straight face, the man behind the counter replies, "No, but I wish we did!"

A woman walks out to her car, after a long night out, and says "I can't wait to hop into my LITTLE MEAN GRINNY VAN and go home to bed", meaning of course, little green mini van. This was an advanced case, involving not just one of the aforementioned causes, but all three at the same time.


A woman with three sick children at home, ponders aloud, what to feed them. I think I will make them all some chicken "Noop", she says. Her friend of *muffled number* years says "Did you mean chicken NOODLE SOUP?!!
Both fall to the floor with paralytic spasms of laughter. They are both currently
awaiting recovery.

This disease can manifest itself in a variety of ways, including, the written word, and thoughts that escape the mouth before before the brain can shut it up. Case in point:
A woman goes to the post office to deliver a package to her husband who has been deployed on a ship in the Navy for 6 months. While writing the address on the package, her mind wanders. She accidentally transposes the name of the ship, from the USS Nimitz, to the USS NIMTIZ! She doesn't notice it, but her mother does, and is kind enough to point it out. In this case, it is the mother who is struck with paralytic laughter. The daughter is horrified, because it is too late to fix it, as the address is all taped over, and the post office clerk is waiting. She sends the package anyway. By the way, the mother is still laughing, even though it has been 12 years.
A man walks into a store to buy batteries. He walks up to the counter, to speak to the clerk. He notices that she is well endowed. Before he can stop his mouth, he asks her for "double D" batteries. She says ok, and turns to get them, and then realizes what he said. He is emabarrassed. So is she. She says, HEY!!


Currently studies are underway to find a cure for this disease. Anyone willing to participate in these studies may look in the phone book under the heading "JOOLIEISM", and call the number. Someone will be there to cake your tall.