Mouse War Diaries

 

Mouse War Diaries...an accumulation of some Facebook posts I made, detailing my fight with the vermin that lives without, but would like to live within. I am putting this together many years later, and all of the posts are not there, so there are some gaps. Bear with me, it's pretty funny, despite the gaps. 

AAAAAAGGGGHHHH A MOUSE JUST CAME OUT OF MY CLOSET!!! WHAT DO I DO????? Dec 9, 2014

I must have laid out some traps, here, but there is no post about it to be found...just this...

My worst nightmare...he ate a lot of the bait, but not one of those silly traps went off...Ugh...another day of mouse hunting...Dec 10, 2014

So...when I started taking the stuff out of my closet (where I first saw the mouse) I got my picture frames (which were against the wall) moved, and there behind the frames were four or five perfectly placed pieces of dog food, all in a row, all lined up against the wall...hmmm...I know the dogs didn't do that...Dec 11, 2014

War Diary, day 3.

All is quiet on the mouse front this morning, but that doesn't mean we can rest on our laurels after yesterday's victories. Today will be spent refortifying the fort walls, patching up any holes in our defenses, and rebaiting the traps in case the enemy creeps into our territory. We look forward to the day that victory is ours.

The Mr. did a very silly thing last night. He opened up the "mouse" closet and threw his shorts in without thinking, right on top of all those mousetraps. This morning I came in the bedroom and saw him wearing those shorts...I told him to turn around...sure enough, he was sporting a mousetrap on his backside. Hmmm...maybe I shouldn't have said anything. Would have been interesting when he went to sit down...

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War Diary. Day 4. All is quiet. There was no activity from the enemy yesterday, that we are aware of. The traps remain empty and the troops remain on the ready if they are needed. Meanwhile yesterday was spent repairing defenses that had fallen into disrepair. I confess that after eleven years of enemy submission, we had become somewhat lax in our vigilance against the opposition. No more. Hatches have been battened; holes have been filled, cracks have been repaired. Today we rest, but we are alert and ready for action, should any evil vermin enter our domain.

War Diary. Day # 5. Still quiet, with no sounds coming from the enemy's camp all night. We are not, however, lulled into complacency, but ever on the alert. Maybe too much on the alert, as both of us jumped at the same time in the middle of the night, thinking we heard a trap spring...however upon inspection all the traps were still set and waiting, right where we left them...could be part of the enemy's game plan to get us to neglect the killing fields, thinking we are once again mistaken (You know, like the boy who cried "mouse" LOL)

...But we will not be fooled, friends, we will not be fooled.

War diary. Day #5 (or is it day #6? We have lost track of time down here in the trenches). No sound from the enemy camp in several days. Wondering if we have indeed vanquished our foe, or if they are just biding their time, waiting to catch us off guard. We had a bit of excitement last night, at around midnight, when someone rolled a tiny dog ball across the room. It entered the closet and set off a volley of friendly fire, as it hit the row of traps set up inside the door. It was unexpected and set the troops laughing. Spirits are high. Victory is in sight.

 War Diaries: Day 63. Dead of winter. The winds are howling around my windows, but I am snug and warm in my bed. Pitch black in the bedroom, and no sound other than the beagle, snoring from his bed in the corner. I am on the edge of sleep when hear a soft "clink" sound, the sound of something hard touching glass. It's an unmistakable sound. My eyes pop open in the dark. I hear it again. The dogs are unmoving, lost in their warm slumber. All is quiet again. Slowly I rise in the dark, careful not to wake the others in the camp, slip from the bed and across the room to my tiny flashlight, my ally in these times of war. I flip it on and shine it toward the glass dog food bowl in the corner. I am unable to locate the enemy. I shine it under the closet door, and slowly walk over and open the door and turn the light on. I still don't see anything. But I know...I know they are there...There were some nuggets of dog food left in the bowl, uneaten since her last meal. I pick the bowl up off the floor, set it on a high dresser, and lay down, ever alert, but still unsure of what I heard. We have once again allowed ourselves to become lackadaisical in our fight. The old traps are long gone, having sat loaded and untouched for weeks and weeks in the killing fields. Thrown out with the garbage, we were sure we had won. This morning The Mr. took the first watch. As he sat in his chair, he saw it...The enemy ran out of the closet...made a loop around the dog food bag...and then back in the closet, confirming my worst suspicion...They have returned...

War Diaries Day 63 part 2. I took the second watch of the day. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the enemy emerge, his furry brown body shot like lightening across the room and under the dresser. I can't believe I didn't scream like a little girl. Watched The Mr. take towels and close off the bottoms of the closets and the bedroom so the little bugger can't get out...He is trapped...The Mr., armed with two potholders has decided to save time, just to "catch him" himself...This could be interesting...

War Diaries day 64: Pitch dark, again on the edge of sleep. The enemy has not been sighted since this morning, but I know he is there...and I am ready. My eyes are so heavy, nodding off...BANG! Everybody jumps! Ha! got him. However I don't think he came alone...So we reload..and we wait again...

War Diaries: Day 65. I have identified the reason for the recent influx of enemy troops, and have removed the problem. It seems our supply clerk got tired of making endless errands to the commissary for dog food, and took it upon himself to order fifty pounds of Purina, and have it delivered to our camp. It has been sitting in our barracks, for several months. We have drawn the enemy's attention, just as surely as the *4077* drew the attention of "Five O' Clock Charlie" when they rolled that cannon into the camp. The dog food, which has been relocated, has also been secured, and it's just a matter of time before "Five O' Clock Charlie" moves on somewhere else. Supply Clerk has been sent to the Brig for ten days of bread and water. All is quiet on the front. Carry On.

Mouse War Diaries: Day #1489. Unexpectedly,

They have returned. Bigger, Badder, Browner. And unafraid. Walking across the mess hall this afternoon, I was pursued at top speed into the common area. I ran. I screamed. I jumped like a little girl on top of a chair. But, my friend, oh yes, reinforcements have come. And yes, once again, we will beat them, not just into submission, but into oblivion. The comrades will be sorry they have come.

Mouse War Diaries day 2,477. The Enemy Returns: It was quite by accident that we learned we had once again been invaded by the small, unwelcome forces. We had been unaware that they were again among us, until, rounding the kitchen entry, I saw the furry missel dart into my laundry room. We immediately fell into our past plan of action, which had never failed yet to rid us of the alien creatures. We laid out our traps, laced with delicacies no self respecting mouse could resist. Peanut butter with embedded dog food. We knew we would be the victors. However we seriously underestimated our opponents. One day later, on my rounds of the perimeter, I was astonished to find that the dog food had been carefully removed and the PB was still there. And the trap was still set. I think the enemy was toying with us. Hmmm ,what to do, what to do. It was the same with the other trap. Clearly we would have to up our game. I sent Captain Stephenson to supply to get a bigger trap. He came home with a mammoth sized trap. Scary looking. He very gingerly handled it, like a grenade without a pin in it careful not to get his fingers in the way of the fuse. Then he pushed it far back in a corner where baby fingers and happy dog tongues could not reach. And we waited. This morning, groggy with sleep, I carefully peered into the corner, afraid of what I would find. My sleepy eyes popped open in disbelief as I realized that very fat wad of balled up Kraft cheese with a PB topping...was gone! And the trap.was.still.set. clearly we are dealing with a superior being. Not just any mouse. As I stood there staring in complete disbelief I swear I could hear the echo of his laughter, as he flipped me the bird. What.the.heck! Stay tuned. Tonight we shall up the ante...Update; 17:00 hours, Central Time Zone. We caught the little devil!

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Shared with Your friendsWar Diary. Day 4. All is quiet. There was no activity from the enemy yesterday, that we are aware of. The traps remain empty and the troops remain on the ready if they are needed. Meanwhile yesterday was spent repairing defenses that had fallen into disrepair. I confess that after eleven years of enemy submission, we had become somewhat lax in our vigilance against the opposition. No more. Hatches have been battened; holes have been filled, cracks have been repaired. Today we rest, but we are alert and ready for action, should any evil vermin enter our domain.