New Year

1st day of the year. Been up for an hour and forty minutes and it's been rough. Woke up tired after not sleeping well. Tossing and turning seems to be the middle aged norm for me. Sleep comes in small bursts followed by longer bouts of staring at the ceiling, wrestling with the covers, and spells of TV watching at 3 A.M. This morning I woke up with a headache in the mix and cloudy skies. For someone with a suspected case of SADD this is not a good combination. The alarm went off at 8 for the Mr.'s meds. I got up and began to assemble the morning supplies. Blood pressure. Thermometer. Morning insulin plus a half a dozen pills and the log book to jot it all down in for the doctor we see on Tuesday. It requires a clear head to keep it all straight. There are so many meds that I have five different alarms on my phone throughout the day so that we don't miss any. One of meds is a bright yellow, thick, messy concoction that he has to take for one year from the date of transplant. I have never managed to dispense that medication to the Mr. without some kind of mess, and this morning was no exception. The bottle was almost empty and as I made my way to the tiny hotel kitchenette to dispense it, and hopefully keep the mess in the sink, the bottle slipped out of my hand and spilled vile bright yellow liquid all over the floor and hotel carpet. Oh.my.Lord. I cleaned it up angrily and loudly. This was not how I wanted to start off the new year! Moving on to dispensing the liquid into the plastic syringe, I got the medicine in, but got air in it, too. Trying to get the air out resulting in the medicine spraying all over the wall, toaster, keurig, and countertop. Clearly this day was just not going well. Finally getting everything cleaned up, I made it back to the Mr. with the meds. Blood sugar time. I am getting used to this, although the first few times I had to do this I almost had a nervous breakdown. You wouldn't think it would be difficult. They went through it with me at the hospital, but I think my eyes glazed over after about five minutes of technical instruction from the nurse. Blood sugar checks three times a day, plus two different kinds of insulin, administered in two different kinds of ways, one on a sliding scale depending on what the blood sugar is, and the other a set amount morning and evening. The blood sugar checks require a blood sugar pen, a lancet, a meter, test strips and several tiny alcohol wipes. I had trouble at first organizing all the parts necessary for a quick, painless blood sugar check, but now, a month later, I pretty much have this down. But this morning I couldn't get the blood droplet to come out of his finger and when it did it wasn't enough to satisfy the meter, so I had to get another test strip and poke a second finger. I really hate making the Mr. bleed. I think that's the worst part for me. I know it hurts even if it's only for a second. But I finally got it. And then I went to the tiny adjoining kitchen to some coffee and quiet time. I have been worrying since last night. We had barely arrived home from the hospital, after a day spent in observation by the transplant team, since the Mr. had the stomach flu, when the phone started ringing. My youngest daughter, five hours away in the home we were currently away from was sick and needed some Gatorade and water and something to eat. We were kind of helpless here in our hotel, but we tried to figure out what we could do to get her those things. A while later, the phone rang again, and now there is a squirrel trapped in out house, in the office. She doesn't know what to do. I called the animal control and they are out until tomorrow, and of course it's New Year's Eve. No one is available. I explain the situation to the dispatcher, and in what is now becoming a comedy, she decided to send over two (or more, she said, it could be) police officers to help my daughter get the squirrel out. My son calls me. He is now home as well. He is completely dumbfounded that police are coming to the door to catch a squirrel that has somehow found it's way in. Nothing much can be done tonight is the conclusion everyone comes to, but the animal control officer will be over in the morning with a trap, they say. I have to be satisfied with that. I literally can do nothing about this. But I worry, because just a couple of months ago a raccoon found it's way in my house. My daughter, sleeping in my bedroom, heard crashing dishes, and thought there was an intruder. My son came in the back door armed with his   gun and was confronted by the raccoon in the dish cabinet, throwing cups and plates down on the floor. When it saw my son it made a hasty exit, tearing up my window AC and the blinds on it's way out the window. Clearly we have a problem. Somewhere these animals are getting in our house. I worried about it all night while I was wrestling with the duvet. Although I know our homecoming is eminent, it can't come soon enough. I wish I could be there right now, but there is nothing I can do. 

As I sat in my tiny hotel kitchen, I thought about these things. I thought about my house, my kids, and the past year. This last year has been one miracle after another after another. Big ones and small ones, in every way, God has made a way for us. My heart is on fire for Him because He has literally radiated His love over us. Remembering all this, I said a simple prayer for my house and kids. I trust you, Lord, take care of all these things for us. It's all in your hands. I am not going to worry. Then I decided to purposely start out this new year the way I wanted it to go. The way I longed for it to go. Instead of fussing over the imperfect way things had gone, I grabbed a couple of crackers, and a glass of juice. I went into the bedroom where the Mr. was resting. And we began to pray for our house, and our kids, and for the new year, and we thanked him for all He had done for us in the old year. And then we had communion. And it was lovely. I purposed to start the new year out right, instead of being angry about the obstacles thrown in my way this morning. 

I looked up the word radiate. It means to emit energy, especially light or heat in the form of rays or waves. I can't think of a more appropriate word to start off this new year. May God radiate his love over you as you walk out 2022. May you walk with purpose and joy, no matter what the year brings, and may you end the year in complete awe of His love and care for you, as you delve deeply into Him, with trust and an open heart.

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