The Devil is a Liar

So I was feeling sorry for myself, today. Going over the list of things in my mind that have gone wrong in the last 7 weeks. Knowing that it will get better, but wondering when. I find myself a little depressed at the situation. It isn't horrible, and certainly could be and has been a whole lot worse. I spend each day alternating between the glass is half empty/half full. Start out most days pretty good, by mid afternoon I'm slowly sinking down, and then by evening I'm usually all right again, looking forward to the next day. I recognize this pattern, not for the first time. The phone is not ringing, and in the middle of the day I'm realizing that today it isn't going to. I employ a host of tricks to keep this situational depression at bay. I hold and kiss my new granddaughter. Having her here makes things better. Always brings a smile to my face and joy to my heart.

                                                            Arya Jane 8 months  
I make my bed every day, because I read that a looking at a made bed is a mental boost. And so it is. I sit in front of the sunny window, to soak up the sunshine and keep away the Seasonal Affectation issues. I have my favorite Snoopy coffee cup close at hand. I mean who could be depressed looking at this?

But these days all my tricks just doesn't seem to be enough. So I do what I always do, I pray a lot and  I cry. A lot.  I hate it, and so does everyone I live with but it's how I'm wired. Panic...I cry. Anger...I cry. Hysteria...I cry. Stress...I cry.
So today I hid myself away in the coffee lounge, and cried for awhile.  I feel like I have been thrown in a pit by this situation. Not a physical one, mind you, but mentally. This merry go round is getting old.   I realized, while I was sitting there in my coffee lounge, that what I have done, is to throw myself into a pit of worry and self pity within that situationaly depressing pit of unemployment. A pit within a pit. Not a good place to be. Even if I didn't initially throw myself in there, I dug a pit once I got in there, and I've been wallowing in my pit within a pit, ever since.

I got up and went to the store and then came back and cooked. Cleaned up, did the evening chores. Had some free time so I sat down at my computer to see what was happening on Facebook. Up popped a link to one of my all time favorite singing groups, The Second Chapter of Acts. It was a history of their lives, from the time they were children, to singing together around the entire world, and what's been happening since they left the stage. I already know their amazing story. I have all their albums, books, signed autographs. I've been listening to them for 40 years. That's a long time! But I decided to read it anyway. So I'm reading along, and they are talking about how they never wanted to be famous, all they wanted to do was worship Jesus, and for others to experience Jesus as they sang. As I was reading I felt God saying to me Daughter I want you to listen to them tonight. Nothing Earth shattering. Listening to them has always, always brought Jesus into the room for me. Elbow to elbow. But it's been a long time since I just sat down and listened to their music.
I was reminded of one time I was hunkered down and really, really listening, in Feb of 2012. One of the few times I have actually experienced something otherworldly. My son's best friend had just died, by his own hand. Our home and our lives were in a turmoil. There were teenagers in and out all hours of the night. Emotionally I was a wreck. Who could watch their sixteen year old carrying his best friend's casket and not be? But I was more than a wreck, I was so depressed I didn't want to go on. I didn't want to die, and I wasn't suicidal, but I had lost every bit of spark to keep me going. I sat down in a chair and just listened. My head was bowed low. Then this song came on. I had known it most of my life, and it was a Psalm, so I knew it by word, as well as song. It was Psalm 61. Matthew Ward was singing one of their songs. I think I must have been crying, no surprise there. I don't think I had ever felt lower than at that moment. Despair was thick in the room. But as I listened something strange happened. I felt something come over me and around me. It felt like an invisible glass shield. Or a glass dome. All of a sudden I couldn't feel that depression anymore! But I could "see" Satan, outside my shield. He was tapping and beating, but he couldn't get in! I was completely protected and there was so much peace! It was without a shadow of a doubt, one of the most amazing things I have
ever experienced.

So I listened to the Lord and I put on my headphones and drowned the world out with the Second Chapter of Acts and only too glad to do it. I knew it was just what I needed. It wasn't long before my heart was lifted out of the doldrums, and then this rock 'n roll song came on. Now they are not really a rock singing group. But they have a couple of rock songs. The Devil's Lost Again is one of them. It has never been one of my favorites, but I like it OK. As I listened to the rollicking tune, I realized the truth of it, really listened, and before I knew it that smile was back on my face. I listened over and over again, as if I hadn't been listening for the last forty years. The Devil is a Liar! All the things he has been throwing at me...they are all lies! Depression...relational strife...worry...doubt...frustration...irritation...Not that I am immune to them....they are real feelings, but their source is a lie! If, when I am hit with these emotions, I can recognize from whence they come, I can fight back. Recognition is half the battle. I can send him back where he came from.  I did that once, you know. Was tempted by the Devil and recognized that it was a lie. Laughed in his face...actually said Good try, Satan, but NO that's not me, and it's not happening! He went away. Not that he hasn't been back, he's always hovering, hacked off that he has lost the war, wielding that ax, throwing those fiery arrows, never satisfied with the chaos he causes, and always looking for ways to cause more. But folks, he.has.lost. JESUS WINS. WE WIN.