Enough

The last couple of days have just c-r-aw-l-e-d by. Yesterday I escaped for a while and drove myself to the beach, and forgot my worries for a bit. I stood on the shore and when I got tired I sat down on a large rock and just watched the seals, otters, seagulls, and then unbelievable I saw a whale. I couldn't believe it. One minute I was just standing there looking out to sea, and then I saw something dark moving on the water, flashing, disappearing, then reappearing. I saw it again and again. Could it be?...I looked through the camera straining for a glimpse for half an hour and snapped away for another half hour, delighted at the chance to see something so out of the ordinary.

Then it was back home and facing reality. Reality being still no job offers, nothing happening. No phone calls, and no money either. I am still alternating between trusting God and feeling like I'm free falling over a large bottomless hole. Well, at least it can't get any worse, right? Wrong. Today we got a letter from the lawyer who is handling our case against his former employers. After spending almost a month developing the case and getting all the emails and paperwork together we now find out that there is a conflict with someone else in the firm regarding the former bosses, as I call them and he regretfully cannot take the case after all. Great. But he did give us some referrals to a couple of other lawyers and I'm confident that there will be one who will take our case. In the mean time it's back to square one, re-explaining the whole situation again to a whole new set of strangers. It is disconcerting. It is heartbreaking. It sets off all the panic bells in me. What are we going to do? How long, God, is this going to go on? How deep are we going to go into this pit? I pull myself together, as I drive in the school yard to get the kids, after all, it doesn't do them any good to see me so distraught. As I wipe the tears I'm reminded of Job and his faithful declaration "though He slay me, yet I will trust Him." I wrap this around my spiritual shoulders like a comforting cloak. I have had several encouraging emails, notes, and words these last few days, and all have served to underline one thing...I know, now matter how deep we go in this hole, God is deeper still. In the words of the late great Corrie ten Boom (and one of my favorite quotes) There is no pit that is so deep that Jesus Christ is not deeper still. This too, I wrap around myself. I know He sees. And it's enough.