Empty Nest

I have been feeling twinges of EN syndrome for a couple of years now, wondering where the time went when she got her driver's license, and again when she got a job, marveling at the ease in which she has taken her place in the adult world. She turned eighteen in January and I busied myself with birthday preparations, really I should say I exhausted myself with birthday preparations and buried the feelings inside. After all we still had until fall before she would leave us. May came around too quickly and I could barely contain the tears as I watched her receive her honors sashes at the Senior award ceremony. Just a few days later I watched as she entered the stadium in her purple cap and gown and was overwhelmed. My husband reached over as we watched our daughter receive her diploma and wiped the tears from my eyes, a sweet and tender gesture if I ever saw one. But still it didn't fully hit me. I took her to college, busied myself with getting her settled, bought her groceries, made sure she was comfortable. I had a moment of sadness as I watched her turn away from me and disappear around the corner but then it was gone, brushed away by the urgent need to get home to the remaining two and get them fed and into bed.
It's been a couple of months since I took her to school but it hasn't really felt like an empty nest because she has been home almost every weekend, to my delight. I love that we live close enough to her school that we can be there almost anytime to pick her up and bring her home for a day or two.
This Monday morning her friends were taking her back to school and I had nothing to do so I decided it was time to clean her room. Since my husband will be needing a home office in the very near future we have decided that her room is now going to be an office/bedroom. She will use it when she is home but during the week it will be my husband's office. So I got some boxes and began packing her things, careful not to break any of her treasures. I picked up and packed all of her books, which had been scattered on the floor, picked up some clothes, also scattered on the floor. I got most of it done in a couple of hours and was almost ready to call it a night. Then as I reached up on her desk to put away just a couple of more things I came across her diploma. I picked it up and ran my hand across it and wondered where all the years went. I picked up the tassel laying next to it and felt the silkiness of it run through my fingers. She was just a child yesterday. Running and laughing and crying when she skinned her knee. All the years of adolescence, with her struggle to be free of me and my struggle to hold on to her. The scenes run through my mind like a movie. I close my eyes for a moment, mesmerized and breathless at how quickly it has all gone by. The good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. It is written in indelible ink and can never be unwritten. The only thing left for me to do is to release her into the hands of God and let Him take care of her, in a way that I never could, even when she was mine. As I gather the armfuls of her dresses, the last two prom dresses and the graduation robe, to add to all the little girl dresses I keep in my closet I breathe a prayer for her that God will keep her and lead her and be with her. I can rest in that. I know he will.