Explain that...

I was perusing the news when my eye was arrested by one of the minor headlines. It said "Boxing ring stolen from gym". I chuckled to myself as I recalled hearing something similar a few years ago about a missing batting cage from a major league baseball field. How? How do you manage to steal a boxing ring from a gym? How do you manage to get a batting cage out of a major league park? Anybody who follows baseball knows those things are GyNORmous. Do you just pull up casually with your two ton crane and just whistle while you work as you manage to steal away with a piece of the stadium that could be as long as seventy feet by twelve to fourteen feet wide and twelve feet high? You can't exactly "sneak" it out.
And then of course, there's the question of what to do with it once you've stolen it. You can't exactly just put it in your back yard. The neighbors just might notice that you have a major league pro sized batting cage out back that's bigger than your house.
Same thing goes for those Mausoleum doors somebody stole last spring from Wilmington, Delaware. Solid Bronze, six feet tall, and a THOUSAND pounds. It's hard to slink away with a thousand pound bronze door in the back of the truck. You can't exactly go through the drive thru at Jack in the Box with them. Someone might notice.
So the question is not only how do you steal a boxing ring from a gym, what do you do with a boxing ring stolen from a gym.
Do you take it apart piece by piece and reassemble it at your leisure? Or maybe it's like that episode of MASH where Trapper and Hawkeye traded Henry's "genuine American antique oak" desk for drugs on the black market and had to remove the office wall and have it helicoptered across the Korean Jungle to get it where it was going. Then again, somebody might notice if they look up in the sky and see a boxing ring being swept away into the big blue yonder. Then what? Do you put it in your living room? Somewhere in between the endtable and the TV?
And then there is Christopher Robin. My sister, who lives in S.D. and frequents an amusement park called Story Book Island recently told me that somebody stole a huge statue of Christopher Robin, and one of the Three Little Pigs. What exactly do you DO with a huge statue of Christoper Robin? Use it as statuary in your garden? Make him the centerpiece of your backyard miniature golf course?
Well, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you COULD take him thru the drive thru at Jack in the Box. He might be good company, and maybe no one would be the wiser. (Hey, I'm telling you, those people at JIB wouldn't blink an eye, they've probably seen it all)
I just could see it now. You pull up at the drive thru "Yeah, I'll have a double bacon cheeseburger, no onions, and a large fry and an onion ring for Chris there in the back. Oh, yeah and the pig will have a diet Coke.
I would love to spend more time speculating on how these people got away with the impossible, but I just caught sight of the headline right underneath that one. It says "Britain faces sperm shortage". Now you KNOW I have to go read that.