Long, long day. It didn't start out well. First thing I saw as I rolled out of bed was dog barf in the bed. On my favorite quilt. Ugh. Gross. After I cleaned that up I went downstairs to make coffee. No creamer. And we are under a boil water notice, so no water for the coffee either. And a sink full of dirty dishes. And I just noticed that Katie's dog has torn up the carpet runner in the living room sometime last night. This really cheeses me. This would be the third rug he has chewed up. I can't afford to replace all these rugs. Not a good way to start the day.
It was cool outside for the first time in two months, so I decided the first thing I was going to do was take the dogs out and let them play in the yard for a while. Then work on making the coffee.
Alyssa comes down and tells me she is thirsty. I need to get that water boiling. She needs a drink and I need that coffee.
Eventually I make it outside for a quiet time with the Lord. Usually it doesn't take long for Him to calm my soul during these times, but today it takes longer and doesn't last long. The tears are just below the surface most of the day. It's Thursday, I tell him. He already knows. Tomorrow is Friday. He knows that, too. School starts on Monday. He is also aware of that.
I feel like a failure as a parent. I had planned to do so much for my daughter this summer. I had planned to take her places. We were going to see things. Maybe spend a few days at the beach in South Texas. We talked about renting an RV just the day before the Mr. lost his job. I had hoped perhaps, that employment would be resumed sooner rather than later, as I still wanted to take her some places, if I could. Just to get her out of the house. Had no idea we would be confined to the house for lack of money for the third year in a row.
So when it became apparent that we would not be going anywhere this summer, I consoled myself with the thought that maybe he would be working by the time school started. Surely it wouldn't take that long, this time, I thought, for a job to materialize. I told myself I would buy her lots of school clothes to start her Sr. year off right. We would get a haircut, and buy some new clothes. Get her some fancy school supplies.
Today is Thursday. Cloudy outside and in my heart, too. I wrapped myself up in a blanket on my bed and cried myself to sleep.
When I woke up I went back outside for another quiet time. Then cleaned up the dishes and the laundry. Sandwiched in between all that were pleas to the Lord for intervention and tears of disappointment in the way things seem to be working out.
I had been hoping and praying for that phone to ring all day long. Please just let somebody call with a job.
So I went to bed about nine. As I lay down with my earbuds on I saw an old comedy skit on Youtube that I used to listen to as a kid. I clicked the link. Smiled at the old memories. Laughed at innuendos I missed as a child. I fell asleep with it on autoplay. As I lightly dozed, the comedy skit moved on to music. It was Randy Stonehill, one of my all time favorite singers. This wasn't my playlist, so it was an unexpected gift. I smiled as I dozed off and on, all the songs like old friends. I was comforted in a way I hadn't been earlier in the day. One particular song came on and as I listened, awake now at two Am, but still resting, the words struck a chord in the deep waters of my soul.
You've go to stand...stand like steel...and carry your cross through the fire, that's part of the deal...you got to stand...stand like steel. Nobody ever promised a garden of roses...nobody gets to Heaven without a fight...that's right...stand like steel.
Now we all must fight our private battles...stand against this darkness that enslaves us from our birth..it takes more than guts to be strong enough...it's an act of faith in the power of love...and we dare not talk of freedom 'til we're free from our own curse!
Fully awake now, I felt my fire returning. Yeah! That's right! Nobody gets to Heaven without a fight.
I'm gonna stand. Like Steel.
Even if today is Friday. Even if I don't get to do all the things for my girl that I want to. And who knows? That phone could ring this morning. If it doesn't I'm still gonna stand.
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