Red Letter Day

My last thought before I went to bed last night was that I had better wake up earlier than usual this morning because I had a lot on the agenda this morning before school started for the kids. Mainly I had to go get some lunch money from the ATM and make sure my youngest had a shower. Usually she wakes up grouchy if I can wake her up at all. Twice this week we have battled over school clothes and how long she takes to eat her breakfast, making the others late to school. She wants to pick out her own clothes and brush her own hair. Since she never wakes up when I rouse her, this is usually left to me and she hates it. I tell her if she would just get up she would have plenty of time to take care of herself.
So, as I say, I prepared myself for a rough morning.
The alarm woke me up at six AM. I snoozed it for thirty minutes and then got out of bed slowly due to sore muscles from working on K's room yesterday. I creaked slowly down the stairs and looked into my daughters' room. K was still asleep but A was not in her bed. I looked into the living room and was shocked out of my sleep starved mind when I saw her sitting on the couch fully dressed. She smiled at me and told me she had gotten up early, fed herself, dressed herself and brushed her teeth. In my early morning stupor I then noticed her hair. "Is that a ponytail?" I asked. "Two", she replied. I looked closer and realized she had actually put her hair up herself.
I looked at my daughter, with her non matching clothes(yesterdays purple socks), her disheveled hair, and slightly dirty face. And I didn't say a word. I was never more proud.
You see, she has been having many, many problems over the past two years. We have searched and searched for answers and tried to find out what the problem is, to no avail. We know that she has ADD and some depressive disorders and some learning disabilities. We know she has a problem regulating her sleep. She won't go to sleep at night. Even if we put her in bed at eight she will still be awake at midnight. She then sleeps all morning in class. On those rare occasions that she falls asleep early she still wakes up grumpy and still sleeps during class.
Such was the case on Wednesday. She fell asleep early on Tues. night and only woke up once and then went right back to sleep. Wed. morning arrived and I thought she would feel good after all that sleep. She woke up really grouchy and groggy and wouldn't get out of bed. She finally roused herself thirty minutes later with a nasty expression on her face and wanted to brush her own hair, but we were late, as I said. I brushed her hair and she hated every second of it. (She has always yelled and cried and screamed every single time I brush her hair, since birth, no matter how gentle I am.) She cried and screamed and by this time was hysterical. She sat down to eat and took a couple of bites and looked at last night's homework still on the table (that she refused to do) and just broke down. By this time I was angry and lost my temper. Instead of dealing with this in a calm and rational way I yelled at her and told her I couldn't wait for her to go to school so she would be out of my hair. Of course I felt bad as soon as I said it. I didn't mean it, but you can't take it back. She just went berserk at that point, with her hair all flying and angry eyes and told me she hated me. We stomped out to the car and off to school and the last thing she said to me was "I'm never coming back!" "Suits me!" I yelled back.
Later, after I got home, I thought about how I could have managed that a little better. A lot better. After all, who is the grown up, here? I went into my little lounge and told God I was sorry, sorry, sorry, could He please forgive me and help me be a better parent.
Later that afternoon she came out to the car and was very somber. Her eyes had big dark circles under them. I felt so sorry for her. I knew she had had a terrible day and that I had not helped things at the beginning. She looked at me and in a quiet voice said "I'm really sorry for my behaviour this morning, Mom". "I'm sorry, too," I said. "I way overreacted this morning. Let's start over".
After that we went to the grocery store and she helped me make cinnamon rolls after dinner.
Yesterday she finished some of her unfinished homework while eating breakfast. I was impressed.
But today my heart melted when I saw her sitting on the couch with her two little crooked ponytails and dirty face. What comes easy for some is so difficult for her, yet she wants so hard to please. I was never more proud in my life.